Nostalgic for the Future

I’m a twenty-three-year-old woman who’s never had a real boyfriend. Whose hands have never been held in the hands of a lover while on a leisurely stroll. Whose lips are supple, soft, and un-kissed. Whose heart is large, intricately beautiful, and unclaimed.

Most days, that’s just fine. Life’s fullness isn’t narrowed down to belonging to a significant other – there are many, many things that expand my heart and bring me joy. I belong to people – to friends who are more like sisters, to the One my heart adores, to a family of impossibly difficult people, to this place right now.

But then there are nights like tonight when I can’t distract my heart from missing him. Him whom I’m yet to meet. Him who will hold my hand, and kiss my lips, and claim my heart.

It used to be a bitter thing, wondering where he was and why he was taking so long. Or more precisely, wondering what was wrong with me. It’s not a bitter thing anymore. And while I wouldn’t have chosen this story for myself, I’m glad that all I’ve been able to do for two decades is miss him. It’s given me plenty of time to learn to ferociously love the person I am without him. And it’s shown me how important it is to me that he’s extraordinary. That we are extraordinary. I want to change the world with this man. I want to love hard and live free. I want to raise the most beautiful, selfless, confidently humble children with him. I want to learn generosity, kindness, patience, and joyfulness with him.

I don’t plan to live an ordinary life. Therefore, I’m not settling for an ordinary love. Tonight, I’m eagerly anticipating falling in love with a man who will change the world and make history with me.


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